Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
