Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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