I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
