Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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