I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
