so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
