and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
