Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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