Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
