I have demons in me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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