They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
