is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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