i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
