Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
