mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
