Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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