I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
its liver damage thursday
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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