Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
