this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
