Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
