Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
