When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
