Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
