I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
