so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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