I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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