I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
