I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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