I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
