i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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