So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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