I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
