Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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