There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
