he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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