I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
