Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
