we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
