HIV tests are more positive than that guy
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
