Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
