i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
