have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
