my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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