her vagine was all disorganized.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So vagazzling was a success
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
