I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
