last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
