Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
