All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
