I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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