Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
